Why I Will Never Get a Chip Implant
I used to own gerbils back when I was a kid. Furry critters, stellar performers on circular treadmills, tended to poop too much. In an act of abject cruelty and utter disregard, I often kept them in a wire cage in my room. You just didn’t have options. Having a gerbil running around in your room tends to cause a little too much panic, especially with cats. There were a few times when my brother decided to let them go free and wild, to explore the Great Eternal Universe of our shag carpeting, and to roam like they were meant to roam: naked and unadorned, no shackles and no restraints.
If only someone had invented chip implants. Or smartphones. Or electricity. I could have “tagged” them (which sounds painful but is more like a pin prick or a bee sting, I think) with an RFID chip, synced their whereabouts to my phone, and had some sort of large laser-zapping apparatus that would “keep...
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